I love my kids. I tell them so often.

I encourage them.

Feed them healthy food.

Make sure they have playdates and activities.

Dress them well.

Make sure they know how to brush their teeth properly. Wipe their own butts. And take regular baths.

I encourage playtime not TV time.

But I am afraid that I am not present enough.  That I am often with them in body but not in mind or in spirit.  So often I am on the computer.  Tweeting. Blogging. Facebooking. I check hourly so as not to miss anything in the fast paced social media world that calls to me.

When I do choose to shut the online world off and engage with my children I find I am unsure on how to proceed.  The ability to play is a skill that I have lost somewhere along the way.  And I want to get it back.

A few weeks ago Galit and Nicole hosted a linky asking “What do you speak for?” and I was very excited to link up.  But I never did. Because every time I sat down to write, nothing came.  I had NO idea who I was speaking for.  No idea what I wanted to use this space of mine to say.  And I stopped blogging.  For two weeks I haven’t written a word. I thought long and hard about what I want to say.  What I want to be.  And I believe that I know.

I want to play in the kitchen.  To create and to cook food.  Food that tastes fabulous. Food that is healthy. And I want to feel happy including my children in this process. I want to pass along to my children the belief that what you put in your body matters.

I want to be a present mom.  To be able to turn off the computer. To go outside and run through the sprinklers.  Throw balls. Fly kites. Colour. Mash playdough together without caring if the colours mix. Play hopscotch.

I want my marriage to be my top priority and to thrive (children eventually move out and begin their own journey, your partner never does!). A relationship full of laughter and fun. A relationship that does not get stale no matter how long we have known each other.

I want to learn how to use my fancy new camera.  To take photos that I would be proud to put on the wall. But I also want to know when it is time to step away from the camera and into the memory being created.

Most of all, I do not want the memories my family has of me to be of the back of my head, a blue glare off my glasses and an absent “uh-uh?” when they call my name.

And so I am stepping back for a little while longer while I refocus my goals and my routines.  Twitter and Facebook will get a small amount of my time but until June 25th I will be taking a blogging break.  I will not be posting here and I am not allowing myself to read anyone elses blog while the children are awake.

I am determined that this will be the memory most captured in my life.

Linking up with Mama Wants This and These Little Waves for…

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